Battling infertility left me in a state of disbelief. It was like being trapped in a bad dream—the anxiety of each cycle, the sadness of every negative pregnancy test. Like many women, I turned inward, allowing doubt and negative self-talk to intensify the trauma I was experiencing. The experience taught me that infertility is a taker—it consumed my money, energy, and I almost let it consume my hope. These are the biggest lies I believed while trying to conceive.
Motherhood Is Not Meant for Me
One question scared me the most: If I can’t have children, what will my life look like? I avoided this question because I was afraid of the answer. Eventually, I joined a RESOLVE support group, where I unpacked many of my fears about conceiving. Speaking with women who experienced similar issues was enlightening. It also helped me embrace the idea that I could still become a mom, but my journey might look different than expected.
IVF Will Fix Everything
IVF is marketed as a miracle cure for couples struggling to conceive, but clinics are often reluctant to discuss how much failure factors into success. Most couples are unsuccessful on their first IVF attempt and may need three to four cycles before having a baby. The average patient also spends close to $50,000 on treatment. It’s a numbers game based on many factors, mainly how much you’re willing to pay. Success can ultimately be determined by how much you invest financially and emotionally.
We Will Never Have a Family
Adjusting my perspective on what defines a family had a profound impact on my journey. I thought I’d never have a family unless I had a baby. But I realized I didn’t need a baby to start a family—I already had one. Pregnancy or not, my husband was—and is—a wonderful gift worth celebrating. After all, babies don’t make families; they expand them.
It’s Too Painful To Talk About
There are mixed messages on how to discuss infertility. On one hand, we’re told to find support and talk about these experiences. On the other hand, we’re told it’s a topic we shouldn’t ask friends about, limiting our opportunity to connect on the issue. The truth is, it was so painful that I had to talk about it, but the support I received was life-altering. I will always be thankful for the friends who mourned and celebrated with me because it helped me keep me remain faithful.
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